


Just need a few ??? to recover

by PeneighDzredfohl



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: nearing a nervous breakdown of biblical proportions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-22
Updated: 2019-03-22
Packaged: 2019-11-27 17:17:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18197084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PeneighDzredfohl/pseuds/PeneighDzredfohl
Summary: Chapter 11 of All For Love-Thorin, really explains what is going on right now.God must think I am superwoman or a real badass with all the stuff that is crashing on me in real life.





	Just need a few ??? to recover

**Author's Note:**

> My warranty ran out when I turned 30.

This...can...only...happen...to...me. Unless it has happend to you.

October 1st 2019

Would you believe, that my psychiatrist had cut me off cold turkey from one of my benzos, and cut the other benzos from 20mg a day to just 6mg a day?  I have been on these meds for 25 years, due to panic/anxiety disorder. He then prescribed me a low level antipsychotic for bedtime to help me sleep and get into my system while I sleep so I'm not droopy all day.  

Well on day 3 of being off the meds I had a petit mal seizure  and from that I have been having a side response that is exactly like cerebral palsy. I watched youtube videos to confirm this as well as spent time reading all the other problems this is causing me. My doctor will not put me back to normal level and wean me off. I have since had a second seizure and when i took the bedtime medication I was in sleep paralysis. So my body was spasming (I was having a nightmare I was being mauled by a bear) and I could not wake up from it!  

It has been so long since I have been able to just sit for hours and write, that I feel physically sick from that as well as I almost feel homesick. I can hear the characters far away in my head, but it is all jumbled and I can't even make out anything for just notes. I miss them! I have so many stories to write and I can't!!

I have no idea what is going to happen to me. I am a complete train wreck now. I'm scared.

It is just one thing after another.

I just want to write.

I'm so sorry everyone. For these delays in stories you love as much as I do.

All I can do for now is try to get well.

Keep me in positive thoughts and if you pray, I'd love a few of those.

 

Fresh news: August 24th, 2019

Holy crow did those shots in my knee do a number on me!  All my joints are inflamed, as well as internal organs, and my lymph nodes are still sore and tender (but much smaller). This week coming up between the 4 of us (pug included) we have 10 Dr. appointments. Spouse and son have food delivery to shut-ins Saturday. I'm already exhausted from next week!!

I am finding that I am getting more and more chatter from the gang on the next few books so I made an outline/timeline sort of thing to put the rough draft ideas to.

I have no idea who gave me the idea for book 4 before the wedding and coronation, of having the 4 spouses each plant an acorn, then have an elf with the magic to grow things sprout the seeds until they are saplings, at that pount the 4 spouses intertwine the saplings in a braid, the elf then grows the saplings into one massive oak that represents their love for each other. After this, each dwelf will plant an acorn in a huge grove lower down the mountain near their parents' tree, until a massive oak forest is growing, each generation does this. Spouses braid love trees and the children plant their own trees. I have done a bit of research on oaks and their "magical" properties. Wicca has helped a bit as well as Celt, and even a tiny bit druid.

I am also spending time working on my Pinboards. (I have both hands in braces from the inflammation of my joints and knuckles) I have books 1-4 up and am adding to them and trying to get them labeled as far as what chapter and what is happening in the pin as pertaining to the story. I have a few other fanfic boards up as well as personal boards of the Durins. Along with a ton of my own stuff because Pinterest does not play nice with any of my browsers when they connect my fanfic page with my personal page. It's cool stuff I think LOL

As I just wrote about the trees, I am working as best I can on book 4 All for Love -Thorin. It takes concentration to hear the gang talking and guiding me in the cleanup, as well as making sure I have no plot holes (heaven forbid!!) but I have changed a bit of stuff in the first three books to match book 4. 

I'm in a boatload of pain all the time, I hardly sleep, so I am muzzy headed most of the time. If you have not checked out some of my "new" stuff (Baginshield and Kili Fili nonrelated) take a peek and tell me what you think.

Ok, my hands are hurting from this little bit of typing. I see my rheumatologist in two weeks, not sure he can do anything. The meds I used to take made my whole body swollen and gave my face a "moon face" swelling. So none of that, it didn't work anyway.

* * *

 

Update: August 15, 2019 

Still recovering a month later from the gel shots in my knee. Good news, I have 100% mobility (I was at 10% in a wheelchair), Bad news, the reaction I had to the shots is very (way to similar for comfort) to chemo patients getting their first treatment. I've lost far too many friends and family to cancer than a 49-year-old gal should have. So I watched, helped, and saw.  

I am rather loopy from lack of sleep. Thank you to whomever though hot flashes were a funny joke, I'm gonna give you a hot flash up yer arse with a blow torch. I get 2 hours of sleep and wake up hot, I just kick off the covers. 2-4 hours after that I wake up thinking I'm spontaneously combusting and shedding all the 60% water my body holds!  I nap on and off when I can. But I don't work, I go to Dr.s full time,...No joke, I'm serious. 13 doc visits plus to hospital visits for the reaction the gel shots in my knees in just 15 days of this month!!

I have been wheelchair-bound for three years. So with my new superpower, I work in 5-10 minute increments with 20 minutes rest breaks to try and clean the house that has been neglected by the other two occupants (I can't blame my sweet little spoiled pug LOL Writing has been on the back burner for now. I am still working on polishing things up and have had the gang dangle shiny new toys plot bunnies in front of me I can't resist (my kryptonite!!!) So I need to keep writing to keep the pain away or at least tolerate it. I will never again not be in pain (If I felt no pain I am either trapped under a bus or dead.)

Stay with me!

Give me some fresh takes on my fractured fairy tales. I have a princess and a pea I am working on a and a snow-white as a vampire one...all hobbitized with ki/fi Tauriel or Bagginshield with the company along for the ride and a reluctant burglar LOL

* * *

 

So I am taking a little bit of time off from proper writing. Everyone is still chattering in my head, so I am simply taking notes...lots and lots of notes, that I will put to **_My One Who Saved Me_**. I'm so excited many of you liked it. I have not done an AU like this but when the plot bunny hit me while I was zoned out and it played out in my mind, I loved it. It is a bit of fantasy and reality mixed as if Arda and Earth have melded. So a lot of modern-day conveniences with a lot of Middle Earth magic.

I am able to polish up  ** _All for Love -Thorin_** it is a rather long story, so the first several chapters set up so many things for the rest of the story. Patience grasshopper!

I am also working on a short story of Bagginshield called, **_A Trashy Kind of Love_**. It is based on a Reddit story I found about how a kid's parents met in a weird way dealing with the weekly trash pick up. Thorin is the shy one in this and Bilbo is the gruff garbage man. It is perfect for a short story. I love some stories short and fluffy for bedtime reading. So I'm sure there are more out there like me.

I have a friend's to lover's Kiliel I have been slowly working on, (no title has come to me yet)  but I simply can't, not have Fili in a triad with them. Fili and Kili are joined at the hip. Whenever I try a story with female characters that are not Tauriel. It feels all wrong and I find myself dreading writing it.  
It is a modern day AU no magic involved, just hard to believe love because I am just that romantic! I even solved the problem of children by both men with a modern day solution. It is a Billionaire story but not your typical alpha type.

I love stories that are just about everyday life, with as little stress as possible. But Fili took me on a hard left and down the road of recovering from relationship caused PTSD of an abusive partner (female narcissist). It is a great story, I am learning how to better add details and little extras to make the story more a story than a dialog. Just like I am teaching myself the Tolkien languages, I am learning how to write by reading.

It is just with the stresses in my life and now being sick. On top of getting two cortisone shots in both knees at the same time. UHG! Real Life...how do professional authors do this?

I have a fantastic Hobbit!centaur story in a rough draft as well as a Hobbit!mer story with Bagginshield in it as well as everyone else.

I have found two selkie stories, one Dean and Aiden and one Fili and Kili, I want to write one of those too, I have bullet notes for those

 

I have the first draft of a Richard/female character AU story going as well as an Aiden/female character story going.

The Aiden story is based on his recent polite expression in very firm terms that fans, while he loves them very much, and appreciates them...can be overwhelming. As well as having to do all the dog and pony show promotions. He just wants to act, what he loves most, so people can enjoy him playing dress up and having fun while being paid for it.  Plus all the irritating paparazzi pics of him and his new girlfriend. The poor man can't have a real life and NO that is not something he has to put up with because he is famous.

 

a blogger on tumblr put out a request for a fractured fairy tale of Bagginshield, **_Beauty and the Beast_** and I loved it so I have a rough draft of that

I am also doing a version of a Bagginshield **_Pretty Woman_** with Thorin being Julia Roberts character (YAY! Gigalo!Thorin) and Bilbo being Richard Greer. it is hilarious. 

 

But most of my energy is going into _**All For Love Thorin**_ and **_My One Who Saved Me_**.  Everything else is for when I am so brain fogged I can only come up with ideas, not actual dialog.

 

And that is where I am right now.

Thanks for all the support, it means so much to me!  Prayers, good vibes, a spell or two or three, however, you get your higher connection. I could use a big dose of that as my world is falling apart from under me.


End file.
